Walking Out Alive- The Story of my Addiction to Pornography & the One who Saved me

January 9, 2013 126 notes Reblog

Hello everyone. If you do not know who I am, my name is Kyle and I am 24 years of age. What I think you also should know is that I was a sheep who once broke out from the farm that I lived in and I wandered away into a strange dark world and I guess I just loved what the outside world had to offer. But one day I was caught by a hunter and he led me to this place that was filled with such deep darkness and I didn’t like the dark anymore. I wanted to escape but the darkness was everywhere and I just couldn’t see a way out and so I had to live in that darkness for a very long time. While I lived in that darkness, I baa’d for help hoping that my master would miraculously hear me. Day after day I got afraid because I knew that soon I was going to be led into a slaughterhouse. But I couldn’t do anything. So I baa’d everyday while I lived in this darkness. One day while I was still in this darkness, I was suddenly distracted by this strong light that seemed to fill the room and I was blinded by it. But then as my little sheep eyes healed itself to this strong light, I felt my little heart pounce inside me. It was him. My master heard me! I saw his beautiful face and so I stood up and baa’d louder and scratched the wall of the cage I was in. My master unlocked the door and soon I felt the warmth of his protective arms wrap around my scared, shivering little body. He lifted me up and placed me against his chest and whispered to me “Do not be afraid little one. I have come to take you take you home. No one will ever hurt you. Also I want to let you know that I love you very much.” He carried me right out of that dark place in his arms and led me out of that darkness. You have no idea how happy I was to see my other sheep friends in the farm. They all baa’d in joy seeing me and soon I was reunited with my master and the rest of the sheep.

 

Now you must be wondering who my master was because if I were you, I’d be curious to know. Well his name was Jesus and what you need to know is that he saved me. I was lost and he found me and brought me back home safe and sound. He heard my cry and he found me and if I hadn’t, I would have ended up being in the slaughterhouse.

 

Yesterday on our blog, we (Brittney and I) were inspired to have, what we call a, Wall of Prayer where we wanted all followers of our blog to be able to spill out their hearts and be able to post up their prayer requests freely and easily without much sophistication and trouble. So we started that yesterday and I was amazed at how many Prayer requests that all of you pinned on to the wall and it just made me realize that how much all of us were in need of Prayer and I prayed for all of you that your prayers may be answered and that the grace and love of God may flow freely in each of your lives. All of your requests touched my heart but certain pins touched me even more because I suffered and related personally to what was mentioned in them, on a deeper level, and that was Pornography. There were quite a few prayer requests, asking for Prayer to help stop addiction to Pornography and anything else that was related to that area. While I was praying for all of your requests that were on the wall, the Lord spoke to me and told me that I should come out to all of you, those addicted to pornography and to those who aren’t, and tell you all my story of how I wandered into the darkness of pornography, what I experienced during my time in that dark journey and how I was saved. My aim is to speak out to those mainly addicted to Pornography and mainly to those who are crying out for help, trying to get out of it. Brittney, myself and a friend of mine started out this series called the Walk Series were we share our thoughts on everyday life experiences that most of us Christians face such as being a Christian and yet feeling emptiness in your heart, why we feel so distant to God even though we are Christians and so on and each of these messages are titled Sickness and Silence respectively and I encourage you to read them because the Lord helped each of us overcome these obstacles that we came across in our life and we know that they would help you as well. We are currently working on a new message to the series which we have currently titled Love and we plan on trying to explain a bit more about how Pornography can affect your life in the aspect of love both with God and your partner. So when that comes out, I encourage you to read that as well.

 

Anyways moving on, I would like to mention that this is more or less like a personal testimony of mine based on this area of pornography and also how the Lord saved me from this darkness and carried me away because I was led to the Slaughterhouse of the enemy. I would also like to clearly state that I might use language such as penis and other words coined by society in regards to this subject because you cannot explain something, trying to replace reality with something cute. I could do that and I have seen many people do that as well just to avoid offending anyone and I understand your point of view but doing that blurs the seriousness of the message and some people end up receiving the wrong message even though it was supposed to convey a serious one. In other words, I am not going to replace the word penis with wee-wee or tinkle part just to make it sound cute and less offensive. Addiction to pornography is quite a serious subject and this addiction rages throughout our society since the past, moving on to the present and I will assure you that it will rage on into the future as well. Therefore I would like to address my testimony to you in all seriousness in the matter and I before I start off, I would like to clearly state that if you are easily offended by the truth and things which are of reality I would suggest you to not proceed because, once again, what I am going to talk about will be graphic in nature however to those who are riddled by this addiction and to those seeking help to get out of it, I strongly urge you to read on because the Lord helped me and I want the Lord to help you as well. The truth is that I don’t want to get into Heaven alone. I want to see all of you there and I pray to the Lord everyday for it and I continue to do so. All I ask from you is to pray to the Lord to assist you keeping an open mind and pray that your heart and your Faith be kept strong.

 

I am not sure how long this is going to be but regardless, I ask you to be by yourself when you take the time to read this message. Find sometime alone. Also I ask you to have your Bibles next to you. If you do not have one, you can refer to this which is an online version of the Bible or you can even download the Bible app from YouVersion which is available to both iOS and Android platforms. If you have a highlighter, please do keep that next to you as well since there are certain passages from the Bible which I would love to encourage you to reflect on as much as possible and therefore you could highlight these passages with your highlighter. You could even write them down with a pen and paper. Ofcourse all what I just mentioned is your choice and I am in no way forcing you to do exactly as I tell you, though I encourage you to. Now that it all out of the way and now that you are (hopefully) alone in a quiet environment, I would like you to do the following with me:

 

Close your eyes and once you have done so, slowly and gradually, try to isolate your mind and body from all of the noise of the world.

Do not rush.

Once you feel like you have cleared up your mind, take in deep breaths, again slowly and gradually, so that your body is at rest and comes down to a state of calm.

Just make sure that you stay this way for a few minutes until you feel calm and isolated from the noise around you.

When you feel like you are ready, I would like to invite you to pray with me.

 

O Lord,

We come before you today as your loving but imperfect and sometimes sinful children. We ask for your mercy and pardon, and the strength to fight the behaviors and things we know we shouldn’t do because they stray us from the path you have asked us to walk on. We lift up all those under the dark addiction of pornography and ask for your loving guidance and mercy as each of us deals with and tries to overcome this addiction. Pour down your spirit on them that they may know and feel the unconditional love you have, and to know that you will always forgive as long as we continue to make the genuine attempts to change our sinful ways and live out the calling you have for our lives. Please help your children suffering from this addiction to see that your call for us to love each other as you have loved us is not possible when we participate in pornography- as we degrade and subvert the love we should have for all your children. Please give all of your children, under this addiction, the courage, fortitude, and fear of the Lord to continue with the conversion process and seek your forgiveness and support through the Sacraments, especially reconciliation. Dear God, please help them know that all have sinned and all have fallen short of the mark, and we all are praying with great love and fervor that this behavior and addiction in his life may be healed. We also pray for each of their families and friends that they will not be harmed or worried by this temporary problem in their lives, and that they may minister to each of their loved ones under the spell of this addiction and help them leave this destructive habit and make it a thing of the past.

We pray in the name of your beloved son Jesus, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever.

Amen.

 

 

So let us get started. Truth be told, I haven’t told Brittney about my past addiction and she has no idea about it to date because, just like most of you feel the same way, I find addiction to pornography a difficult topic to bring up to the surface to discuss with people and I know that as Brittney’s boyfriend, I should be able to confide to her and so I am going to tell her all about my addiction today and I ask from all of you to pray for me as well that, the Lord continue to Bless our relationship and to strengthen us as we walk in this journey. This is my first time (ever) coming out and admitting to the world of the addiction that I was a slave to for a very long time and I was ashamed to discuss this with everybody. I always felt that if I told people about it, they would think less of me but yesterday the Lord spoke to me and told me that it was time that I should share my story with everyone and that I shouldn’t be afraid so here I am. I am nervous, to be honest, and I don’t know how this will turn out to be but I have prayed that the spirit to guide me as I write this out.

 

 

How I stumbled into the dark world of Pornography & things that followed

 

If I remember correctly the whole experience with pornography thing started out late for me compared to most kids of my age. I was a sheltered kid and so I was not exposed to most of the things around me at the time but I can still remember that first day when I actually took my first step out of the farm of my master, out into the dark world of Pornography. It all started when I was in at the 10th grade and I saw some of my friends talking intently about something, all huddled in a corner, at the back of the class and naturally I was curious and wanted to find out what they were all talking about. They were talking something about naked women and masturbation (which I had no idea what it meant at the time) and I tried to piece all of this together because non of what they said made sense. When I asked them what they meant by masturbation and “jacking” off they all laughed at me and looked at me as if I were some kind of baby. But they told me all about it and how good it felt too. They told me the techniques that involved in masturbation and that the feeling you get out of it, while in the process, is so good that you can’t even compare it to anything else. They also told me that to make sure that I got the best result, I should think about a girl- naked in my head. I wanted to feel good too. Who didn’t? So when I went home, I went into the bathroom and proceeded to do as they told me (I had NEVER seen what a woman looked like naked back then so I used my imagination pretty much). And goodness golly they were right. Even while I was in the middle of it, I felt so good that nothing else in the world mattered to me at that point and by the end of it, I was a happy little kid. It felt great and I was happy. That was the start of it all when it came to masturbation. I masturbated once everyday and soon what only was a suggestion became a habit and I couldn’t go a day without masturbating. As I grew up, I got exposed to more content (through friends mostly) that were related to masturbation. My friends started sharing pictures of naked women with me and I have no idea why (at the time) but I simply loved it and gradually this love started to turn into something that I craved. I wanted to have these pictures of women to keep for myself too and so I sneaked these old and unused fashion magazines that were in our home and I was delighted when I found pictures of women with lingerie and cut them out. In order that I would not lose or misplace them, I used a little notebook and stuck these cut outs into this book (Yes! Creepy I know but at the time I had no access to the internet) and this book became my little secret and contained everything what I thought (at the time) made me happy. This craving transformed me from the sheltered kid to a devious and scheming little brat. I always found ways to sneak in pictures and I would just look at them to make me happy.

 

But my “happy” spree was not meant to end there. Later on in my life, for the first time, we had the internet all connected in the house and ready to go. When my mom was not using it, I used it ofcourse and it was during this time that I found out that the internet had a huge library of pictures of naked women and so every time my mom was not around, I typed Pictures of Naked Women on Google and I was presented with millions of hits. You wouldn’t realize how happy that made me and so that was just the beginning of my transition from hardcopy pictures of women to their digital version and also the beginning of what was going to be my heavy addiction to hardcore pornography. With time, I discovered little clips of nude women and I soon got into that and that later went onto pornography where I was first exposed to actual sexual interaction with both male and female and I realized that this was a gold mine of a discovery and was an infinite times better than just masturbating to solo women. During this time, I was so addicted to pornography that I realized that it was a risk to watch them at home. Why? Because not only did I want to watch them when my mom was not there but I also wanted to when mom was there at home and I knew if she caught me, my life would be over (figuratively speaking ofcourse). I had no job at the time and while I used to go out, I noticed that there were places outside where you could browse the internet in private booths (Internet Booths/ Cafes) and naturally I needed money to use that service. I just wanted to be able to watch my porn in peace without the fear of my mom finding out. So I started to steal cash from my mom. Yes! When she was not around, I stole from her handbag and if I saw cash anywhere lying around, I would take it. And I realize now how devious and sneaky I’d become  because when I stole, I didn’t steal huge amounts so that it wouldn’t attract my mom’s attention. I just stole loose cash whenever I could get hold of it and soon I had enough money with me to go to these internet cafes outside to watch my porn. When I started using these establishments to get hold of porn, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who used Internet cafes for viewing porn. The history of these computers was nothing but porn and so was the bookmarks in the browsers.  It felt strange for a little while but in my love for porn I shrugged this off. So every day after school, I would go into one of these little places and watch my porn instead of going home. This part of my porn spree, made me start my habit of lying. When mom asked why I was late, I would lie to her and say that I was hanging out with friends at school. This addiction got so bad that I even started skipping church so that I could watch porn in one of these internet cafes.

 

Using these internet cafes, introduced me to more genres of porn that I had never heard of and so I started immersing myself into those kinds as well, for example girl on girl. In short, every day I discovered something new in regards to pornography and I just simply couldn’t stop myself and I just wanted more.

 

Time went by and I grew up to be a late teen and then a young adult but one thing that had not changed was my love for pornography. I had come a long way from just staring at pictures of nude women. But something happened along the way that I really did not expect. Somehow or the other, I was introduced into a closer relationship with God and yes I was a Christian since birth but what I did was simply go to Church every Sunday and that was just about it. My aunt introduced me and my mom to this worship group that happened every Wednesday and so I started learning more about God and everything there was to him on a more deeper level and what I didn’t expect was that something about God kinda magnetized my insides that made me want to go to him. But I knew I wasn’t going to give up pornography for the world and not even for God. Even so I went to these weekly meetings with my mom and learnt about God as well, week after week. Now I have no idea what happened but this is where I started to feel strange about something. So as usual, I would masturbate everyday (and my addiction to it made me want to masturbate more than once a day) but unlike before, every time I came, I felt disgusted and ashamed at myself. I started wondering what was happening to me. Was I starting to lose my mind? Ever since I started going to those meetings, these strange thoughts of disgust and shame started to cross my mind everytime I came. In short I never felt good about what I did, once I was done masturbating. I felt something weird and empty inside of me which I really couldn’t figure out. However this did not stop me from masturbating or stop my craving for pornography. I wanted more and more and I just couldn’t stop. Time passed by and I started dating and my girlfriends (for some weird reason, now that I think of it) also encouraged me to watch pornography. They watched pornography when I did and then we would have sex afterwards. Yes! That was the kind of world I lived in. Then the time came when I was deployed over to Afghanistan and once there I started off this new chapter in my craving for pornography and that was the whole webcam thing where you pay random women on the internet to perform for you. I would dish out so much money to these women to perform for me and to satisfy me sexually and I was not ashamed of it and instead loved it. 2012 came and little did I know that things were about to change for me, forever, during the course of that year.

 

 

How I changed as a person during my addiction

 

Like I mentioned, I was a sheltered kid and there was that time in my life where I had no idea what nudity, sex, masturbation and even breasts, for that matter, were. But as my addiction with porn grew, so did the darkness within me spread all across. I became sharp, I became devious and cunning. I had to use these to help me avoid detection of my porn addiction. Then as you may have already noticed in my story, Pornography made me into a thief. I had to watch more porn without my mother always behind my back so I had to steal what cash she had, just to satisfy my craving. Then I turned into a liar. I had to lie about my whereabouts and my doings just so that I could get away without being caught satisfying myself with all of this pornography. Then I started to waste all that I earned on pornography. The addiction had mounted to a level where I even had to spend huge amounts of cash just to satisfy my craving. The old porn that I started out with didn’t seem enough anymore. I wanted something more real, I wanted something more hardcore and I just wanted more and more. I stopped caring about the important things in life where the money would have been more useful in. Instead I started throwing my money into an endless pit just so that I could get my share of porn.

 

So at the end of the day what did that make me? A creepy, stalker-ish guy with no life, a sex deviant, a sex addict, a thief, a liar, a waster of money and most of all a person with no soul and emotions. Now that I think of it, this just scares me and I just shake and shiver at the thought. What kind of monster would this have made me, I do not know?

 

However once I started going to the worship meetings, the only change that started happening was that everytime after I was over with a sexual act, I felt weird, strange and disgusted at myself and I knew from the bottom of my heart that I needed to change and stop this but my addiction had become a part of me and I felt like this was something that I had to live with forever. Maybe God was whispering to me, but I was just too arrogant and caught up with Pornography that I just didn’t have the heart to take action.

 

 

The Unexpected Happens

 

So while carrying on with my life, with hardcore pornography addiction tagging along with me, I had a series of terrible breakups in my relationships last year- 2012. One was so bad that I even attempted suicide which ended up being unsuccessful, by the Grace of God. Naturally these events put me into a fragile state of mind for which I was told to attend counselling sessions with my pastor. Here I was once again, strangely and unexpectedly getting closer with God (though I didn’t realize it at the time). We had our sessions everyday and we spoke about various things and (I was sure to hide my addiction to pornography ofcourse) one day, for some reason which I don’t remember now, the pastor showed me something out of the Bible that struck me really hard. Like honestly it felt like someone was rapping my skull with a rolling pin.

 

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.  What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

  • Romans 7: 21-25

This passage spoke to me so much that I just couldn’t believe it myself. I felt like St. Paul, just then, and I felt that he understood me perfectly and with so much clarity. I realized then why I always had that strange weird feeling every time I finished masturbating.  In my “inner being” I knew this was wrong but the evil that I had in me just loved every bit of what I did.

Ever since that day, I cried out for help from the Lord asking him to get me out of this evil addiction. I realized how sick of a man I was and I knew that I had to get out of this if I had to live a normal life and a life that the Lord wanted me to live. But as much as I wished for this, I just couldn’t stop myself from all of the pornography. But the unexpected was not over with just that day.

A few weeks later, I was, as usual, in that webcam site browsing for women and searching for the best one for that night who would perform for me. I came across this girl and she couldn’t have been more than 20. I entered the room and it was more like a public room where there were a lot of other perverts like me wanting to watch this girl perform for us. Once we paid the amount that was requested by her, we reserve a spot in her show and once the show starts she performs for us. So once I had made my payment and was waiting for the show to start, I could see the different things that other viewers were typing into the chat box to the girl (for some reason I never typed to any performer nor did I wish to make contact with any of them. I would just pay, watch and leave). One of these comments caught my eye and it was by one of the viewers and he mentioned in his comment that she was fat. I did not know why he had to say that to the girl but the girl got defensive (naturally) and started swearing at the guy. But even as she did so, I noticed that something different came upon here. I looked into her eyes and, I just don’t know how I sensed or noticed it, but I just saw this tinge of sadness creep into them. Maybe she was good with handling her emotions and maybe no one else noticed but I just saw that look in on her face and somehow that crushed me on the inside. It got me out of my sexual funk for that moment, and it made me think. Why does she do this? Why does she want to give away her body to a bunch of strange and sick perverts (Including me)? She was a beautiful girl and I just couldn’t understand. But I returned back to my usual self when the show started and when she took off her clothes and I soon after, I forgot about the incident and her altogether. But there was one more unexpected event that was yet to drop into my life and this was what turned everything around for me forever. God does help us when we cry out to him.

Like I mentioned earlier, 2012 had turned out to becoming a rather dark year for me. My breakups, my attempted suicide and then my raging and unending pornography addiction. I knew that I needed help and I prayed everyday the best I could for an answer and for just anything that would help turn my life around because my heart knew I couldn’t carry the weight of this evil inside me anymore. I came across the blog www.iwilltrustinyou.org by chance and saw how the admins of the blog always adviced and prayed for people who asked for it and that was the first time I came across Brittney. Even though I saw all of that I was too ashamed to ask anyone on there to pray for me because I was under the impression that my request would be made public and I was too self conscious to see that happen. But one day Brittney posted a link to her facebook and I took the opportunity to add her because I wanted someone to pray for me in private. We started talking and I told her about my breakups (but withheld my pornographic addiction because even during that time, I was still ashamed to confide my addiction with anyone) and about my difficult year and she prayed for me. I spoke to her everytime I managed to get hold of her. Ever since my interaction with the pastor who counseled me I was very keen and interested what God and the Bible had to say and therefore I asked her so many questions about life and the Bible and such. We spoke almost everyday and I learnt many new things and I do not know how this happened but along the way, I started to have feelings for her and I didn’t know that she had started feeling the same way about me too but when October came upon the year 2012, we officially started dating. But before we did that, something she told me hit me hard (almost like a slap to my face at the time). She told me many things that I should be aware of and one of the many things that she said which hit me the most was when she said that I was to respect her and our relationship. The moment she said those words I knew I wasn’t ever gonna have the chance to ask for sexual favors from her until we ended up getting married. Even while I was in the process of agreeing with her, I had this huge battle in my head where I could feel that my flesh was telling me to say no. But I refused to listen and I agreed with what she had to say. That was the beginning of a commitment that I promised myself that I would work on and that was “Respect her and Respect our Relationship”. Trust me, it was hard and to be honest, I never really stopped my porn completely. However the habit had reduced so drastically that I couldn’t believe myself. There were times where I would go almost a week without any sort of pornography or masturbation. But I was weak still and was in my baby steps and like I said, I wasn’t over with pornography completely. And when I did watch porn, I would be so ashamed at myself that I would just end up crying because I knew, not only did I cheat on myself but I also am lying to Brittney day after day and ruining all that was pure in our relationship. It hurt me so bad that I just cannot explain that hurt in words. However I prayed so hard and kept on searching for answers in the Bible. Brittney was my Guardian Angel and she built up the broken foundations in my life and kept on pushing me forward even though she was not aware of it. She was so Blessed and filled with the Spirit of God that it just started pouring into my life too and I started to feel different and I started to feel so free like never before. I still remember the day when my Master found me scared and shivering, alone and helpless in my cage. It was the end of November 2012 and on that day I was working so hard to give up on pornography forever. I started blocking all the pornographic websites that I visited so that I wouldn’t be able to get into them no more. I deleted all videos and pictures that were in my computer that were pornographic in nature. I burnt down any hard copies and media of any kind of pornographic material that I had and I only had one thing left and that was the webcam site which I left for last. But something spoke inside of me and told me that there was something that I should do before I cancelled my membership and blocked that site forever. I went in search of that young girl that I mentioned about earlier on the site and soon I found her and she was about to perform on that day too. For the first time, I wrote to her in the chat box and told her that I would like to talk to her in private and that I wanted to have her for the rest of the session in private. She refused as she would lose out on the cash that she would otherwise be making and so, through the site I paid her a $1000. Yes! I have no idea what possessed me to do it but I did. I had to save her. I just couldn’t let her do this. She was shocked ,just like I was, and she naturally was under the impression that I wanted her to give me a private show and I replied otherwise and told her to put on her clothes and that I wanted to just talk to her and get to know her a bit more. She was a mother to a baby girl and the guy that got her pregnant, left her for another girl. Naturally she had no way to support herself and her child and she ended up selling her body to strange guys on the internet. She said that she would earn more cash working this way than working at a regular job. I told her I wanted to help her and I started to tell her why she should look for a better way to earn her income and started talking to her about Christ and the Bible. She must’ve thought that I was a weirdo but if God can save me, He can save her too and I knew that from the bottom of my heart. Even if she didn’t want to listen to me, at least I can say that I tried. I set her up with a friend who was recruiting waitresses for his newest restaurant and she was adamant at first but I managed to convince her and she said that she would give it a try. After that conversation with her, I deleted my account from the site and blocked it and Prayed to God that it would be the last I ever see a shred of pornography again.

December had gone by and the New Year has come as well and Praise be to God, I have not masturbated or got into contact with any kind of pornographic material of any sort. I was free and God saved me. I haven’t thought about touching any kind of porn ever since. Yes! I have had temptations many times. I could even feel the heat under my pants sometimes just screaming- WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU THINKING OF STUPID MAN?!?!?!? And then I just say to myself “I am thinking of God.”

I pray to God everyday asking him to forgive me for every evil thing that I did along the way cuz of my pornography addiction and I Pray to God that Brittney forgives me too. She has been such a Blessing in my life. Her faith and her trust in the Lord helped me change myself to be a better man and to learn to respect her as a girl, a female and to respect her body and to respect mine and also to respect our. And one of the main things that changed for me was that once, Brittney came into my life, God became the center of my life and our relationship and I felt this comfort like I never felt before. To this day I am free from addiction to pornography and I know that I will be for the rest of my life. Why? Because God is now at the center of my life. Not porn. I have a great girlfriend whose faith in Christ is just so amazing. The Spirit of the Lord has taken over my heart, mind, body and soul and therefore there is no place in my entire self for the evils of porn to accommodate in me. 

Once again I want to let you know that God and His word saved my life. Seeing back into the kind of person I was, I feel disgusted now. Honestly I was turning into some kind of unrecognizable monster and that’s how I feel about my former self mainly because I had changed myself from a boy with no knowledge of this dark world at all, to a person who ended up being a pervert, a liar, a thief, a wasteful spender and a dark and sick person with no respect for the human body and to women.

All it took for me was to cry out to the Lord and he heard and rescued me and if he saved me, I KNOW he WILL save you too. I want you to be aware of how important and precious your body is, to be playing around with it:

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!  Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

 

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

  • 1 Corinthians 6: 15-20

When I used to masturbate and defile my body for the pleasures of sex, I just thought that it was my way of experiencing happiness but what I was infact doing was just playing around and messing with the home and Temple within which the Holy Spirit lived in. Wouldn’t you be mad if someone just sprayed graffiti all over the walls of your home or simply ransacked it? I can’t imagine how unhappy God would have been with me just playing around with his home. I just want you to be aware that your body is the home within with God resides in and therefore to think about it before you decide to just defile it with immoral sexual acts.

The other thing that I wanted you to take notice of was the amount with which I deviated from the path of the Lord when I had pornography controlling the course of my life. I had changed into a totally different and unrecognizable person and this is what something such as an addiction to pornography can do to you. It WILL turn you from all that simply is the truth and all that gives you true happiness. Take a look at what Christ had to say in Matthew:

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

  • Matthew 19: 14

 

We can translate this verse into our daily life today. Pornography can be a lethal form of addiction, like I mentioned earlier, that can deviate you from the path to Christ. It makes you blind to the truth, to God and his word and perverts our mind into appreciating, craving and loving everything and anything that is of the flesh.

 

So how do you suppose this whole craving for pornography come into play in our life?  Let’s look at it from two viewpoints. Let’s take a scientific viewpoint first, since I know some of you love science. The body produces a hormone called adrenaline (which I am sure most of you are aware of). When a person feels in danger, stressed or excited adrenaline is used by the body for a short time. This sometimes gives “super” power to an otherwise weak person. This is a normal function of the body, but this use of adrenaline is something that the body begins to crave and becomes, in a scenic, habit forming. If you were to ask a race car driver why they drive their cars at the point of losing control, they would tell you that they were just having fun. This “fun” as they call it, is the bodies craving for the “adrenaline rush”
which gives the person a good or calm feeling. This is basically what a person, who views pornographic material, does to their bodies.  They get that “feeling good” caused by the adrenaline flow caused by excitement. This craving of the body makes the person’s desire for more, somewhat uncontrollable. It
starts with viewing a few pictures, moves into viewing short film clips, on to viewing, X-rated movies, and then to “porno” movies. If it only stopped there (Sigh). Many move on to calling those phone sex lines, sexual relationships, child molestation, incest, rape, and in some cases murder. If you think that this is reaching for extremes, just look up some of the court dockets and you will notice this for yourself.

 

Now that we have dealt with the scientific, let us now deal with the spiritual. In the New Testament book of Matthew, Jesus is speaking to the multitude, a event that most of us know as the “The Sermon on The Mount”.

 

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

  • Matthew 5: 27-28

 

What Christ says couldn’t have been said any more clearly than that. Basically you don’t even have to physically touch a woman (and vice versa) to commit adultery but just looking at a woman with lustful thoughts is more than enough to be guilty of the act. So does that mean I committed adultery looking at pictures of naked women, women on webcam and porn? Absolutely and Christ says it all right there crystal clear. Christ goes on to say:

 

If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

  • Matthew 5: 29-30

 

Christ does not really mean that you should turn on your own body and rip out your limbs or tear off your eyes. No! What he means is that when you feel that your body is making you do something that is evil then you should be strong enough to do whatever it takes to stay away or performing it. If you are not willing or open to repent for your sin, Christ warns that you would not receive his salvation and therefore urges us all to do whatever it takes to remove yourself from that position where you are tempted to sin over and over again.

 

What I am trying to make you understand is that Pornography, just like everything of the flesh, makes you false promises. It assures happiness and that it feels great. It assures you that nothing is sweeter than allowing your body to experience the feeling of the pleasures that you get out of pornography. However in reality, you end up paying a heavy price for it and I have experienced it all too well, first hand.

 

Pornography costs you:

  • Your wealth
  • Your physical health
  • Your mental health
  • Your character
  • Your attitude
  • Your reputation
  • Your relationships

 

By the time you go through all of it, your body and yourself is nothing but a wasted and an empty one. The Bible explicitly states:

 

Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way.

  • Proverbs 4: 15

I know what it feels like to be trapped in the darkness of pornography and therefore to those who are suffering from this addiction, I know how you feel. I was there once just like you. But I promise you that the happiness that you get finding the love of the Lord is much greater and much fruitful than a lifetime of happiness that you would try to get out of pornography. The pleasures that you get out of porn is temporary and I know it because I always felt empty and weird inside but not anymore. The Lord saved me and has blessed my life and I want you to experience that too. Pray to the Lord everyday and when you pray ask him to guide you and to send you his spirit to protect you from the darkness of this addiction and that you may be compelled to take action to avoid this from happening ever again. Read God’s word and I ask you to reflect on the verses that I mentioned above because they helped me understand what the dangers of porn had for me and once I recognized that, I knew I had to act and I had to act fast before it was too late for me.

I would like you to know that I am praying for you every day and if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to and would like to confide your addiction and need any kind of help whatsoever please do not hesitate to contact me and I will help you the best I can. I want you to know that there is someone who understands and that you are not alone. I ask all of you to pray for each other as well because God hears all of your prayers and nothing is more powerful than so many praying asking for Gods help. I want you to know that God loves you just the way you are and that it is not too late to turn to him. Let his love and grace flow over you and let his spirit guide you to the path of freedom and true happiness.

Many Blessings to All of You,

+ Kyle

(www.walkthesame.com)

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